Jan 1st, 2013 – It was actually wonderful to see people getting excited about the day with more greetings and cheer plus most importantly, the hope and the optimism for the future. Whatever I am going to type down now, don’t think I am talking bit of philosophy suddenly. Or maybe am I gonna do that? Well, it is going to be just another scribbling with my random thoughts rambling inside my head.
I wonder why we can’t greet each day with the same cheer and optimism. Why this day alone is something special? It could be not more than just another day we lived or possibly a group of days yet to follow. Well, so don’t you think waking up each morning gives us a reason to celebrate, to be grateful and happy and thank to God?
I started wondering about these things last night… What is so newness in it that makes us celebrate that particular day? Will my family become new to me? Will my society is going to change for the best? Can it grant us what I desired for? How the yet-to-come days are going to be? What is in store for me? How am I going to present myself new this year? Puzzles, unanswered yet.
Lots of ‘maybes’ in my life earlier and still… Whether or not things going to be the way I wished for, well, my outlook on life should change for the better. My hope, my desire, my attitude, my thinking, my what not…
With so many things happened to me in 2012, having seen the best and the worst, I feel now it is the time, for my attitude to change radically. But can I do it with an urge? If only I have the guts to say ‘No’ to my life-denying passion, then comes the possibility for everything to get bathed in the sunshine of blooming new life and caring relationships.
Well, I got the point. I shouldn’t be expecting the world around me needs to change, but the world in me has to change. The way I think. The way I reason. The people I love. Them I trusted. The way I look at those who betrayed me. Sometimes it is like we are forced to adapt the situation the way it is, without a change. But when it contradicts our ideals, it becomes really hard or takes more time to get used to it or perhaps never at all… but still we live within, compromising it.
For the first time in my life I had one serious regret last year and wish I could go back and rectify my errors. But then, as they say mistakes and regrets are memories made. Sometimes we can’t help but to live with that. I had times when I was badly in need for an alternate life. Then I traveled places. I made more new friends. I tried to amuse myself with what I longed for. I am not the old Me. Not anymore. I may not voice my emotions loud here or anywhere but I believe I do have the courage to decide what I want. And now I feel I am already a different person.
Certain things that happened in my life and my loved ones last year helped me to realize what it was like to resent a feeling and how it is to be a stranger under my own skin. Then at the end, it made me see how very much strong willed I am and emotionally capable of anything worthwhile. It even taught me how to stop expecting completely, even from myself. That’s one good thing, I guess.
I started exploring the other side of me lately, since 2012 has shown me some very good things indeed, even though it did hurt me in a different way. However, I am glad with what I have seen the past few months. Yeah, see for instance, I never knew I can write. But here that’s what I do and it interests me now. Perhaps I am not that good with words, but still am glad I can manage to write something readable. And to help me see this new Me, I must thank those who turned me down in matters and them who supported me throughout. If at all that happened, this is not happening either.
Life is such a journey with surprisingly more new and unexpected twists and turns everyday, where we get to travel in both the tough and the smooth road. But once we reach the destination safe, well, what more do we expect for? Stay happy and just relax, right? Like the mother during the labor hour. All the pain she went through will be forgotten at the very moment she listens to the baby’s first cry. All those months she survived the agony to watch her baby see the world, safe and sound.
Like the mother protects her child with the utmost care and devotion, God, the One who created us, is there to protect us all and cater our needs in the best possible way. Every human being comes into this world by the decree of God. And with them, carrying a life journey that has been pre-ordained and endorsed by God, Himself with a unique path which is filled with obstacles, challenges and plenty of rewards.
Whatever it may come, I surrender all my wishes and decisions in front of God and let him grant me what is the best for me. We have the ability to plan so well with our lives… but you know, God is the best planner of all planners. It is Him who tests us with those trials and also the One to give us the courage, patience and will to withstand them. Those testing period are nothing more than to prove how strong we are. And, that is what we are destined for. So I worship and I pray for the Almighty to look at us with His compassionate face throughout.
May all of us are blessed with what we prayed for, what we earnestly desired for and see the New Heaven in this Duniya we live!
And one more thing I should mention here. Coz I dono if I can talk to this person like I used to be again but I take a chance to apologize to that someone I hurt badly last night. I am really very sorry thou I never meant to hurt you but then I had to say something harsh to point out that I felt really bad about your idea. I know you will be reading this sometime if not today. And I hope you will understand me.
You know, often it happens that I mess with my thoughts and so does with the words. This is jus one other post like that. My random blah blah blahs. Hope my blabbering today dint push you into a complete boredom.
Thank you everyone for journeying with me, for being part of my life, including you, the reader of my writings. Without you, I never can see the enthusiasm in me to write even a single word, and attain this new side of my life that I never ever dreamt of. In fact I can’t wait to find out how this year is gonna treat me and what my blog is gonna offer you. Or still my random scribbles continue, I wonder…
Let me see what’s in store for me in the yet to come days of the year, 2013.
Be good. Stay safe. Keep smiling and Enjoy your blessed days ahead...!!!